The Things Missed
One of the weirdest linguistic differences between French and English, I find, is how we communicate the idea of “missing” someone or something. In English, of course, we say, “I miss you.” In French, though, you would say, “Tu me manques,” which translates more directly to “You are missed by me.” It’s a small difference, but I find it fascinating. In French, the person or object being missed becomes the subject of the sentence, rather than the object. The French center the one being missed - recognizing their importance to the speaker. This is the spirit I hope to capture in today’s post.
I knew that I would miss a lot, both in the literal sense and the sentimental one - I both miss my nephew and will miss his next birthday in February. And while I occasionally feel guilty or selfish for the expression of self-indulgence that constitutes this sabbatical, I actually find it emotionally refreshing to focus on those things I miss, or those things I will miss. In a recent post, I even mentioned how nice it was to have “missable” things in one’s life.
Disclaimer: If you are reading this, I definitely miss you too, and your absence from this list says absolutely nothing about what you mean to me.
Thing #1 - Coco
I can’t start this list any other way. For 6 years, Coco has been my most constant presence. To call her my best friend undersells both notions: “best” and “friend.” She is my shadow - an extension of myself that gives me depth, purpose. She is the only living thing that has been 100% my responsibility from (essentially) birth. In the weeks following Coco’s transition to my friend’s place, I continued to see her in her usual spots. I even filled up her water bowl a few times, totally absent-mindedly, and then my heart would break a little when I realized what I had done. When I remember my dreams, which is rare, it is always because she was in them. I realize that it sounds like I’m eulogizing a 100% still-living creature, but this was the first time in Coco’s life that I stepped away, and even though I knew that it would be hard, nothing prepared me for what it would really feel like. I, like the rest of us, don’t deserve dogs. Coco, I know you aren’t reading this, but I hope you know that when we are reunited, I will never take you for granted, and you’re coming with me wherever it’s possible to take you.
Thing #2 - Richard
I wrote earlier about my Uncle Richard, who traveled the world many times and I commented at the time that I would feel him with me always. But the number of times I have stopped to myself on this trip with the thought, “Richard would have loved this” - only to realize that I will never tell him about it - has become uncountable. Still, that realization has never made me despair. Instead, it fortifies me knowing that my uncle would be proud that I am not only on a worldwide tour, but that I am doing so with his spirit. Of course, I would trade it all to bring him back healthy, but I am grateful to have felt even closer to him these last few months. If this sabbatical had a dedication page, it would say, “For Richard.”
Thing #3 - Cereal
Look, I know. Things #1 and 2 were sweet, emotional, and from the heart. But, hear me out. I would estimate that, during a typical school year, I eat at least one large bowl of cereal on 75% of days. That may even be a conservative estimate (the stats nerd in me is making plans to document this in the coming school years). So, it would make sense that I miss it, and I do. I can recall many teaching days where I only kept my cool because of the bowl of cereal with my name on it waiting at home. Now, does cereal exist abroad? Yes. Have I bought any? Absolutely not. The bowl of cereal must be earned with sweat, and so it will remain on the shelf for as long as I am traveling. As an aside, and completely unrelated, in case you are wondering, I have lost 10 pounds on this trip.
Thing #4 - Doing My Yearly Trainings on Conflict of Interest Law for the State of Massachusetts
This is a joke. I do not miss this. In fact, when I last checked my work email at the end of August, I saw a reminder to complete this training, and my smile at deleting that email could have powered a small European village.
Thing #5 - The Beginning of School Jitters
This one is real. I had such a swirl of conflicting emotions as the school year got started, and I landed on sadness, overall. I have quickly come to realize that my job is one to be envied. No two days of teaching are the same; no two years either. I don’t know exactly what I’d be teaching if I were still in Newton, but I do know that I’d have a bad night’s sleep before meeting my students, and a very good one the weekend after. Teaching keeps you on your toes, for better or worse, and the fact that I get nervous every single year speaks to its ability to keep one interested. I think that, among other things, taking this year from teaching allows me to see some of those feelings in a different light. We, as teachers, are lucky to have a hard job, a thoughtful job, a constantly evolving job. It makes it harder, for sure, but it also beats a desk and a spreadsheet any day.
Thing #6 - A Really Good Chair
About a year and a half ago, I purchased a leather chair on AptDeco (a furniture resale site). I do not know how I lived for 30+ years without this chair in my life. In fact, in a moment of sheer insanity before leaving for France, I considered storing it in the basement so that my renters wouldn’t potentially ruin it (I didn’t - don’t worry). But, really good chairs are hard to come by, and they certainly aren’t common in hotels, Airbnbs, hostels, and campgrounds. I’m writing this on the 45th day since leaving. That’s 45 days since I sat in my chair; 45 days since I have sat in any really good chair. Don’t take your really good chairs for granted, people.
Again, there’s much more that I miss, and if you’re reading this, you are certainly on the list. In no particular order: I miss playing video games with my friends, seeing my family in person, my 2012 Ford Focus (a sky blue sedan I named Harrison Ford Focus who is now in a better place), running by Carson Beach or along the Boston esplanade, pickle ball Sunday mornings, and so much more. And when I go back, I’m sure that I will miss being in the south of France, on the Azores, and all that comes with traveling - life is cruel and beautiful that way.
A Short Update
Since my last post, I have been camping on Pico island. I have gone on some beautiful shore dives (likely doubling my lifetime Octopus count) and one very disappointing shark encounter (spoiler alert: there were no sharks). I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time at the Natural Swimming Pool of Lajes, which is essentially just a few sets of stairs and ladders leading directly into a sheltered part of the ocean.
I did some freediving there yesterday, and I was shocked to find two groupers just hanging out right under the feet of the swimmers. I didn’t bring my GoPro, but I might try to capture them later this week. They weren’t the goliath groupers of some of my earlier dives - ones that could have swallowed me in one bite if they weren’t the gentlest creatures of the sea - but they were definitely the sad-faced, speckled friends that I have grown quite fond of in my years of diving.
I’ve made brief, agreeable acquaintances with my fellow campers, including a German couple and a French couple, all of whom were jealous that I didn’t have to share my tent with anyone (it’s been quite hot in the evenings here, though today is much cooler). But, this has largely been a week of refreshing solitude - a real reacquaintance with nature that I didn’t even know I needed.
All the best, and until next time,
Ethan
Bonus Challenge! Can you spot the octopus in this picture?
How about now? I zoomed in for you. Look for its little black eye and the exposed underside of a tentacle.
Incredible disguise! They can change their color and texture to resemble the seagrass around them. Unreal.